Rain Rain Go Away¡­ Come Again another day¡­. Better still..dun come back~

When someone has lost their bubbly personality they once had, is it impossible for them to be the happy-go-lucky person they once were? Will they succeed if they strive hard enough. I honestly dun know.

When I came back from my recent kuching trip, I was determined to take it easy on myself. I loathe the Ida who is constantly whining about life, from academics, to friends, to $$, to family­. ( well, funny thing is, KL is ranked as the 7^th best city to live in.. but look what the 4 yrs++ in KL did to me!­) My kch trip did wonders. It finally dawned on me that I'm not living my life as I ought to, or should I say, I dun have the right attitude to life. The past yrs, I've asked for too much, aimed at goals that are not within my league, without realizing it. Having spent time with my old palz back home, and an unintentional visit to my alma matter help to clear the fog that was blinding me inside. It was den when I questioned myself, "What has made me into this new person, why can't I be as happy as I once was, even when life was at its toughest?". With answers in my head, I returned from kch, with a strong will + unyielding confidence that I will be the old me.­

I KNOW wat was stripping happiness away from me, wat has caused me to be paranoid at times, what led me to look down on myself­. The truth is I have been too obsessed with good grades ( and I never was back den b4 my tertiary education), and I've been pushing myself over the limits but not getting the results I craved­. Ever since uni started, I' ve been creating disappointments for myself, semester after semester, thus leading to a gradual loss of self respect and self confidence that consequently diminished my self esteem in interpersonal relationships/social activities. ( PLZ dun ask me why or how, it just ended up this way.. )   

But heiii...­I put up a fight!­ I no longer let academics dominate my life. So far this semester has been great.. minus the fact that the uni has terminated the service of a lecturer whom I assume is by  far the best we had., and some other minute chaos. Am Not pressurizing myself to score, just going with the flow and I'm surprised to find myself enjoying the lectures more den ever!­ ( prolly because I noe I dun have to fight for first class hons anymore.. hehe). Aside from that, my family.. is simply marvelous, parents are no longer fighting, (they are so loving they're practically glued to each other, and yes, it's rather ermmm sickening if  they get too intimate in front of me.. ha) financial prob settle and done with, and I lived up to my promise, I've been going to church!! *fingers crossed on this one..musn't stop*

Much to my dismay, it seems I've overestimated my limited power.. Just when everything seems to be perfect..­ some flaws just had to set in.... life is just plain twisted ! Am ­ having increasingly more probs with my shoes­. Rather tired­ need a break... need to calm down & get hold of my emotions so I won't say or do things I'll regret in the days, months or years to come!­ *now gal, just like how they do it in Yoga classes...Inhallllleeee¡­.exhalllllleeeeeeee, inhale thru ur nose, and exhale slowly thru ur mouth* The yelling, the contempt, and the countless attempt of fighting back tears or pointing fingers at each other is definitely not doing us any good..­desperately need to stop!­ aRGGhhhh!­. *feeling weak and helpless!­.*

~* A Piece To Be Shared*~

Letting Go ...

Why do we have to part while the love is still there? Why do we have to suffer? Why do we have to cry when somebody bids goodbye? Why do beginnings have an end? Why do we have to meet only to lose in the end?

There are questions left unanswered, words left unsaid, letters left unread, poems left undone, songs left unsung, love left unexpressed, promises left unfulfilled.

In a relationship, one of the hardest things to do is saying goodbye and letting go. It is as hard as breaking a much treasured crystal ornament, because you'll never know when you will be able to pick up another one that appeals to ur taste or liking. More often than not, those who go, don't really feel the pain of parting: it is those who stay behind that suffer. They are left with memories of a love that was meant to be, a love that was so real.

At the beginning and at the end of a relationship, we are embarrassed to find
ourselves alone. Unfair as it may seem, but that's the way love goes. That's the drama, the bittersweet and the risk of falling in love. After all, nothing is constant but change. Everything will eventually come to its end without us
knowing when, without us knowing how,without us even knowing why.

In letting go, sorrows come not as a single spy but in batallion. It seems that everywhere you go, everything you do, every song you hear, every turn of your head, every move of your body, every beat of your heart, every blink
of your eye and every breath you take always reminds you of him/her. It's like a stab of a knife, a torture in the night. Funny how the whole world becomes depopulated when only one person is missing. Just imagine, there are billions of people on earth and yet it seems you feel lonely and empty without the other.

I don't know if it's worth calling an art, but letting go entails special skills dubbed with a considerable space, time & courage. Time heals all wounds but it takes a little push on our part. Acceptance is the key. Not all love stories end with "...and they live happily ever after." History is history, it's a fact we must accept.

Sometimes we have to part because of circumstances beyond our control. We have to suffer if it would mean happiness for others.We have to cry to temporarily let go of the pains. Every beginning has its end like every dawn has its dusk. It's something we can't control, something we have to bear with.

It's over. He's/She's gone. But life has to go on. Goodbye doesn't always mean forever. Maybe at one of the many crossroads in life, the person will once again play a role in ur life. Probably there will be a place and time where questions will be answered, words will be spoken, letters will be read, poems will be recited in the night, songs will be sung in harmony, love will be expressed in solitude and promises will be fulfilled.

"Somewhere. Somehow. Someday."

"Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is the act of letting go"

~ Me.. & the "Shoes" in My Life ~

Shoes... a word, an object that is so familiar to us and so common in our everyday lifes... No one can live without a pair of comfy shoes.. a pair of shoes that can be worn day and night, a pair of shoes that would be appropriate in any occasions, and  a pair of shoes that will remain as the pride and joy of the owner..for years ( well, those with luck will most probably be graced to keep their fav shoes and wear them till the end of their journey on Earth).

At some point, I assumed I was one of the lucky crowd. The fact is, I do own a pair of  ultra comfy shoes that fit my feet snuggly. Thou this particular pair of shoes has got no evident sign of a reputable brand name and its logo, I felt connected to the shoes that were on display in a reject shop.   As surprising as it may sound, I have been wearing dem for about 5 years now..... and I'm still pretty much in love with them.

Wearing this pair of shoes wasn't easy at first. It's heavier den any other shoes I've owned prior to this, and its odd color has alwiz been the centre of attention and would alwiz attract curious stares and harsh comments from people who knew me. Well, I ended up having countless blisters and cuts on my feet. Nevertheless, I was determined to keep the shoes, as I felt that such unique creation deserve a fair chance. And waaaaa LAAAhhhhhhhh...... no more disgusting blisters, no more painful cuts... after a while, walking in them were no longer a torture anymore....    

Nonetheless, similar to any other things in life, my fav shoes is beginning to give way, partly due to the fault of the manufacturer who used cheap materials and paid little commitment in quality control. It is not unusual to find some loose strings here and there.... or torn lining or even a slight tear in the midsole... These minor mishaps poses no threat... ... a visit to the cobbler down the street is all i need to prolong my shoes' lifespan....  (sounds easy? what u dun noe is the number of sleepless nights i had to experience when I patiently waited for the cobbler on the street... not knowing when and where exactly will his mobile stall be placed)

But I'm only human, and being one causes me to be weak at times, prone to temptations. Nothing serious, all i did was to go on a short vacation without my fav shoes.... thought it would be a good idea to let them rest on the shoe rack for a short period of time.  And as for me... went window shopping, and was mersmerized by the vast selection of shoes that comes in different color, design, and of coz....diff price tag.  Was then invited to try on a few pairs of shoes. Errr.. there were some that fitted really well... and complimented the complexion and the curve of my feet. I even found some great offers ... brand new shoes, completely free of charge!!!!

Well, I admit, i had fun indulging in the excitement of trying on new shoes... but I knew i had to put them back on their respective racks. My shoe rack back home is occupied...no more space for a new pair of shoes. Having to noe that my feet still look wonderful in other trendy footwear inevitably served as an ultimate ego booster..and that sensation is enough to maintain my self confidence at a safe level. In my heart i noe which shoes my feet longed to be in...Yes...the bulky, not-very-durable shoes in peculiar color....the pair that sits on the shoe rack, waiting for me to show them to the world again when i return from my trip.....

oh yahh.... I'm currently learning how to mend my own shoes.. just in case I can't get hold of the cobbler during criticial situations. ie: some DIY techniques to care for ur shoes... simple thread work, and I've also got a jar of super adhesive glue on standby, out of fear that the sole may come off one day.....*Grinz*  

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To those who wish to keep ur shoes for good, allow me to share the following tips with you: ~

Shoe Care Tips
The shoes you purchase are an investment in your comfort and appearance. High quality footwear, if properly cared for, will serve as a complement to your wardrobe for years to come. To best protect your shoes, we recommend the following:

Waterproofing and Stainproofing
A protective spray is an excellent way to protect your shoes from water, snow, mud, and spills. The best way to protect your shoes is to wipe the leather of your new shoes, following the instructions on the protector spray, spray your shoes before wearing, and on a regular basis thereafter.

Wear and Tear Prevention
If you plan to use your shoes frequently, you may want to consider a trip to the shoe repair shop. It's a smart idea to have shoe taps and possibly rubber soles put on new shoes as a way to postpone the gradual wearing out process that comes with normal use. A small investment now may mean many more years of enjoyment.

Maintenance
Finally, we highly recommend cleaning your shoes on a regular basis, depending on frequency of use. The cleaning method depends on the shoe's material.

Leather can be polished and conditioned with a leather lotion applied with a soft cloth.

Suede looks best when brushed; although special suede brushes are available, a clean toothbrush works just as well.

Fabric should be sprayed with a stain guard.

In addition, shoes-- particularly those made of soft nappa leather-- benefit greatly from shoe trees, or shoe keepers. These are wooden instruments which are inserted in the shoe, and help to retain the shape and mold of the shoe. Shoe trees can help to prolong the life of a shoe by 4 or 5 years.

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iDa: if the above entry does not ring a bell or make any sense, dun worry............becoz    it's not meant to be a sensible piece... *evil grin*

Currently Watching Ocean's Twelve By Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Julia Roberts see related

Weeeeeeeeeeeeee..........so here i am....in a cyber cafe despite my earlier doubts.....ditchhing my frens ( they're all gb-ing)....and here i am...dropping an entry here...

It's great to be where i am now... with all my frens...and some new frens i pick up along the way... watched fear factor last nite...saw their statistics on what hong kies, indon, etc etc fear most.....and it got me thinking...what "Ida fear most?".... i Fear lonelinesssssss......i need to be surrounded by frens and loved ones.... i can never stay intact without them...frens may not alwiz be physically presence by my side 24/7...but i need to noe that they are still there..and that they still care.... sue me for being insecure.... but frenship with VIPz is all i need to get on with life.... *HaRgz*... those who deserve this hug..they'll noe... *Grinz*

hmmm....think i shud really sit down and seriously think about what is in house for lil Ida in 2005.... desperately need to get rid of some bad habits... some useless loose fat ( this has been my new year resolution since i was a kid ...never quite succeeded thou )... and i really need to recollect my soul and faith...can't help but feel a pinch of guilt when i witness the dedication shown by my family members to God... i was the First in the family to accpet Christ...but now...it seems that the distance between me and God...*sigh* ( my bible is dusty...no more daily prayers...no more sunday service in KL...in short..i've been a notti notti gal....but i believe God will give me the strength i need to reassemble my faith in Him)............last but definitely not the least...i need to take it easy on myself...try not to pressure myself too hard....esp academically wise....

hrMp.... i guess at this point of time....my main cornern should be my final year THESIS!~!! oh my GawDDDDDDDDDDDD......................... i need a Miracle to finish on TImeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..............geeeeeeeeeeeeeeekkkkkkk... 

Mewwi MewWi X'mas to alllllllll..and a happy new yearrrrrr ................

ps: //Happy b-day to Han ( Old liao.....must take k of yaself oh...go out and have one hell of a celebration okie)........and also Noel Lah Ah Dai ( dun think he'll read this thou../gg)